Alone but not Lonely at Valentine’s

My friends have been joking who I’m dating at Valentine’s Day, and my reply would be always “Mag isa lang ako ng Valentine’s”. Seems my answer doesn’t please them so may follow up question pa rin. “Bakit hindi kayo magkasama ni PJ?” (PJ is the latest crush) and what about the one we met in the coffee shop? (kahit ilang pressure nila sa akin, ang taga coffee shop is just a friend).

This year I’m alone at Valentine’s – alone but not Lonely.

I admit, I’m totally inggit sa mga couples who are celebrating Valentine’s Day. But I’m not asking anybody out to dinner just for the sake of having a Valentine’s Date.  I haven’t reached that State of Desperation yet.  And besides, hindi nga ako sure if ever PJ would say yes if I ask for a dinner date. Baka mamaya huminde, eh di napahiya pa ako. Kawawa naman ako. Si Coffee Shop Buddy naman nagsabi na mag off daw siya ng Valentine’s Day. Sabi ko lang ahhhh. With a pause. Then I changed the subject.

Being alone, doesn’t have to be lonely naman di ba? I have movies to watch, laundry to do,  carpet that needs vacuuming. Naghihintay ang recently downloaded Randy Blue Library to be watched. Ay wag pala, baka lalo akong mangulila. Change tactics, mag rosaryo na lang pala ako.

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Me and TMJ Part 3

Ako ang taong laging nagmamadali. Gusto ko palaging maagang matapos at ayaw kong dinedelay ang mga bagay bagay. Kaya when my doctor said that I shoiuld get an MRI, kahit na hindi ko pa alam what it was, I went and got the test.

MRI stands for Magnetic Resonance Imaging. That was what I gathered from google. Apart from that, hindi ko na pinag aralan kung ano yun. Gusto ko fresh sa akin ang experience. This is still part of my ongoing struggle with my TMJ.

I was scheduled last Thursday, 20 Jan 2011 3:00 pm. Excited na konting anxious din.

This was taken by Geoff who went with me to the Hospital.

This probably was the time the technician was putting something in my mouth to take pictures of different angles na nakabuka ang bibig ko. Dusa ako dito promise.  Tiniyaga ko na lang.

Steady for 35 minutes.

Kahit kinumutan ako, gininaw pa rin ako.

MRI machine was noisy. Akala ko soft purring sound lang. Hindi pala. Scandalous sa ingay.  Pero normal lang daw yun.

Nang matapos ang lahat. Hindi man lang ako binigyan ng chance na mag smile ni Geoff.

 

XOXO


Me and TMJ Part 2

My appointment was 6:30pm. I left the office around 5:15pm. I still had a lot of time. I did not want to go home for fear that I would chicken out and miss my appointment with the dentist. So I went to a nearby mall and just strolled. After an impulsive purchase I decided to leave, and go straight to the hospital. When I arrived at the Dental Center of the Hospital I saw the exterior was painted pink. Pink? Tama ba ito? So I went in, aba sushalin ang dental center… It was unlike their Outpatient Wing. Mas maganda dito. May Chandelier. Gagaling ang TMJ ko dito…… I swear.

Wait lang ng konti and then my name was called by a Filipina Dental Assistant whom I later learned were Dentists by Profession sa Pinas but were working as Dental Assistants here. Anyway, dinala niya ako sa maliit na xray room kaagad. Excited naman ang mga ito, wala pa man eh xray na agad. At nagulat ako sa xray equipment – sushalin na naman !!!

I was made to stand in front of the machine, bite the tip of something, then after a few seconds, something went down to keep my head at the exact place and keep it steady. The indian lady asked me to keep still. Tapos umikot sa ulo ko ang xray machine. Mangha ako. First time…….

After the xray, pinapasok ako sa isang maliit na room where there stood one Filipina Dental Assistant, pinaupo ako sa dentist’s chair and then came in another Dental Assistant who asked me to relax and lie back. So nag relax nga ako tapos may pumasok na isa pang Dental Assistant yata? Pero lalaki naman. He looked at my chart and my xray with authority. So akala ko siya na ang dentist. I thought to myself, buti na lang Pilipino ang Dentist ko. Puwede akong mag inarte hahahaha.  Pero may pumasok pa na isa pang male who was in a different lab gown than the others. Siya pala ang dentist.

So there were 3 Dental Assistants, 1 Dentist and 1 Patient. 4 against one? Siguro kapag masakit ang gagawin, dalawa ang hahawak sa magkabilang braso at isa hahawak sa paa. Habang winewelding ang panga ko?

Fade out ng walang kwentang fantasy…….

So dentist asked what my problem was and I told him I had difficulty opening my mouth and chewing and he said “TMJ?” I said yes. On the left side, I added So he sort of massaged my face and asked if this hurt and that hurt and asked me to open and close my mouth. Then immediately proceeded to write what seemed to be a novel at my chart. Nakikipag chikahan na ako dun sa Dental Assistant na tinatakot ako na baka kailanganin daw ng General Anesthesia for my surgery. Ang layo na ng narating ng usapan namin when Dentist announced that he was scheduling me for an MRI and that they would do the request with my Insurance Company and call me when my Insurance Company approves.  Dentist then advised me that I was to go on a Soft Diet.

I paid for the consultation fee and then xray fee at the cashier and left. Mura ang consultation. Mahalia Jackson ang xray.  Sino ba naman kasi ang may idea na magxray pa? IHARAP NINYO !!!

While driving home. I was thinking, ano kaya ang puwede kong kainin sa soft diet?

PJ was craving for it for the longest time. Dedma ang soft diet na yan. I got palabok for dinner. 


Me and TMJ Part 1

For the longest time, I have heard a clicking/popping noise on the left side of my face when I would open my mouth wide, chew food or yawn. Nung una akala ko normal lang and everybody had the same experience as mine. Tapos when a friend of mine complained that he had the same clicking/popping noise and called it TMJ that is when I realized hindi pala normal.  At first there was no pain at all, it was just a source of amusement to friends when I would let them listen to my jaw clicking/popping, only a week ago did I feel pain.

It started one Tuesday evening on the way to a friend’s birthday dinner. I yawned (eh normal lang naman ang humikab di ba?) and felt pain on the left side of my face and for a moment I thought my jaw would lock. Hindi ko pinansin until it was time to eat, I couldnt open my mouth fully for the spoon. Panic ako, pero di ko naman pinahalata to the other guests since I could still talk and breathe properly. Pero since then, dusa na ang meal times. The other day I started eating while a Nip Tuck episode started – I finished exactly the same time the episode ended. 45 minute tv dinner.

Here’s TMJ as explained by Wikipedia:

Temporomandibular joint disorder (TMJD or TMD), or TMJ syndrome, is an umbrella term covering acute or chronic inflammation of the temporomandibular joint, which connects the mandible to the skull. The disorder and resultant dysfunction can result in significant pain and impairment. Because the disorder transcends the boundaries between several health-care disciplines — in particular, dentistry and neurology — there is a variety of treatment approaches.

The temporomandibular joint is susceptible to many of the conditions that affect other joints in the body, including ankylosis, arthritis, trauma, dislocations, developmental anomalies, and neoplasia.

An older name for the condition is “Costen’s syndrome”, after James B. Costen, who partially characterized it in 1934.[1][2][3][4]

Signs and symptoms of temporomandibular joint disorder vary in their presentation and can be very complex, but are often simple. On average the symptoms will involve more than one of the numerous TMJ components: muscles, nerves, tendons, ligaments, bones, connective tissue, and the teeth.[5] Ear pain associated with the swelling of proximal tissue is a symptom of temporomandibular joint disorder.

Symptoms associated with TMJ disorders may be:

  • Biting or chewing difficulty or discomfort
  • Clicking, popping, or grating sound when opening or closing the mouth
  • Dull, aching pain in the face
  • Earache (particularly in the morning)
  • Headache (particularly in the morning)
  • Hearing loss
  • Migraine (particularly in the morning)
  • Jaw pain or tenderness of the jaw
  • Reduced ability to open or close the mouth
  • Tinnitus
  • Neck and shoulder pain

Because of the pain nag decide na ako magpunta sa doctor. Nagpa set na ako ng appointment and I will not miss that. Kailangang gumaling na ito. Para kay PJ.

XOXO


Blame it on the Cold

Its been cold for the past 2 months but especially colder the past few days. Temperatures range from about 19 degrees C during the day to 15 degrees C at night. The cold has been a perfect excuse for me. So convincing that sometimes even I believe myself.

Nung na-late ako sa usapan namin nung crush ko. Ask niya why I was late.  “Sorry… I had to warm up the car fully first before driving it kasi its really cold” (Pasok sa banga!)

Nung tawag na nang tawag sa akin ang Group Coordinator asking where I was since the party was starting and I still wasnt around. Sinagot ko phone “Kuya sorry napahaba tulog ko kasi its really cold”

I have not washed the dishes and just dump everything on the sink. “Ang lamig kasi kaya tinatamad akong maghugas”

Dikit ako nang dikit sa crush ko, wala akong jacket kasi (sinadya kong iwanan sa kotse), I needed BODY HEAT. “Ang lamig kasi” Hihihihihi.

Matagal pa ang winter, kaya kahit gasgas na. Gagamitin ko pa rin ang excuse. I will still blame everything on the cold.

XOXO


Were Open Again

My apologies to my readers. Due to safety reasons, I had to close my blog temporarily. And when things cooled down, medyo busy busyhan naman sa career. But everything has settled, so I am back again. This time I promise, there will be less of me and more of everything else.  Uhmm okay that will be for next post. But this post, since this is my first post for 2011, let me begin with some photos of me…..

So many things has happened since I last blogged.  But it seems silly to post about the past. I have some catching up to do too.  Hope you drop in again and leave a message.

XOXO


Someday

Medyo cheesy ako today.

I woke up and trned on the tv and Nyoy Volante was being introduced by Ginger Conejero in Umagang Kay Ganda Jam Sessions. Instead of hurrying to shower, I paused and listened to the lyrics. I knew of the song, pero hearing it first thing after waking up made me cheesy……….

Someday

by Nyoy Volante

 

Someday you’re gonna realize

One day you’ll see this through my eyes

By then I won’t even be there

I’ll be happy somewhere

Even if I cared

I know you don’t really see my worth

You think you’re the last girl on earth

Well I’ve got news for you

I know I’m not that strong

But it won’t take long

Won’t take long

‘Coz Someday someone’s gonna love me

The way I wanted you to need me

Someday someone’s gonna take your place

One day I’ll forget about you

You’ll see I won’t even miss you

Someday someday

Right now I know you can tell

I’m down and I’m not doing well

But one day these tears they will all run dry

I won’t have to cry sweet goodbye

Coz’ someday someone’s gonna love me

The way I wanted you to need me

Someday someone’s gonna take your place

oohh.. One day I’ll forget about you

You’ll see I won’t even miss you

someday i know someone’s gonna be there

Someday someone’s gonna love me

The way I wanted you to need me

Someday someone’s gonna take your place

One day I’ll forget about you

You’ll see I won’t even miss you

Someday someday..

 

now i cant get it off my head !!!!!