Hindi ako masiyasdong productive sa office.

Gusto ko na nga umuwi.

I still have 1 hour and 20 minutes till uwian.

Nag iisip na ako ng excuse sa kasama ko para umuwi ng maaga.

My boss left an hour ago, and I know he’s not going to call.

Gusto ko na umuwi at manood ng ………..

But let me narrate what happened the week of walking in Corniche that I had:

Day One: I wore jogging pants and a t-shirt expecting I would be sweating (wrong !!!) Dead wrong kasi the air was still cold and it was windy. So instead of sweating, I shivered everytime I slowed down or stopped. I noticed everybody else had headsets on, ay teka why didnt I think of that? I felt like a stranger in a new place and thought that I wasn’t one of them. I walked too slow.

Day Two: Eto na – Jogging Pants (Tsek), Sweatshirt (Tsek), Headset (Tsek) feeling ko belong na ako, pero everybody else were still walking faster than I was, and then I realized it. The beat of the music in my player was slow. Kasi when I was listening to “The Club Can’t Handle me” I was walking faster and my heart was thumping loudly, adrenaline ito !!!

Day Three: Belong na belong na ako. Check na lahat pati playlist ko edited na. Namumukhaan ko na ang regulars and those who were just relaxing in the park. Some even smiled at me dahil baka nakikilala na nila ako from jogging. Uy regular na ako.

Day Four: Since it was a weekend, I was expecting a crowd. Tama ako. The park was overflowing with people. Some were picnicking, some were taking pictures, some relaxing by the water. I even saw and waved to a few people I knew. Pero like the other regulars I just walked by and didn’t stay to chat.

Day Five: After four days of seeing the park overcrowded with people, it was so refreshing to finally see the park quiet and belonged to the joggers/walkers only. Ngayon kilala ko na ang regulars, namumukhaan ko na sila at steady na ang pace ko. But I’m just walking, I do not think I will ever Level Up to running or jogging, masiyadong high impact naman yata for me?

Day Six: At home na ako. But ngayon ko na realize I need new running shoes. Sad pero ginamit ko pa rin. I’m going to have to use my other rubber shoes for walking tonight. And I’m planning on trying wearing shorts for Day 7.

After a week I can squeeze into my size 32 slacks. After 2 weeks feeling ko, feeling ko lang kasi naman I don’t monitor my weight kahit I bought a weighing scale in Ikea a week ago and I don’t check out my waist size too. But I was inspired by the lost of some weight some I decided to pursue it.

I went a walking………

The Corniche was a perfect place for me to do so. It was just opposite from where I lived and had a walking/jogging path, was beside the sea, and green everywhere. I have lived forever here but I have never truly enjoyed a good walk here.

Some amateur photos I took with my phone.

Before I can start, I have to cross this bridge first.

Pasensya medyo blurred ito. I was walking at this point.

The view of the cars from the bridge.

Jogging/Walking path. Ngayon ko lang na appreciate ito.

The view is something great right? Its a great way to clear the head of stress.

Nilakad ko yan hanggang dulo.

Parang gusto kong mag walking everyday…….

My first reaction was “Why?”

My second question was “Is this what they call Cyber Bullying?”

I spent a sleepless night and pondered over things for a day. Reactions of friends who knew were mixed, some wanted me to shrug it off, some wanted me to comment on the post to clear my name, some wanted me to have a dialogue with him face to face.

But just last night I have made my decision. I have made clear to myself that I came here to this vast dessert rich with oil to work.  I joined the group for spiritual reasons. It is not included in my priorities to indulge in childish and shallow rumor mongering. But I also do not want to give my Cyber Bully the satisfaction that he has affected me. I have decided to shrug off the issue and to just ignore it.

Hindi ko kailangan ng stress. And besides SAYANG ANG EDUKASYON.

Here’s an account of what happened:

This is Friendship Bernard and Me when we arrived at the hospital.

Hinihintay pa namin na ma-ready ang room.

Si Ding – siya ang naghatid sa akin sa hospital.

This is near the Nurse’s station where they took my height and weight.

When we got in the assigned room, nagpa picture agad si Bernard sa kwarto.

Nauna pa kesa sa akin.

An Indian nurse came and got my Blood Pressure.

Ayaw magpatalo ni Bernard, siya din daw.

With matching photo documentation.

After a short while, a Filipina nurse came. Lalagyan niya na daw ako ng IV

First try, palpak. Lumobo or something. Hindi naipasok sa tamang nerve.

Dahil nga palpak sa first try. Nagtawag ng reinforcement si Ate.

Another tusok na naman. Traumatized na ako.

Si Kuya unang try, pasok!

Palakpakan!

Pinagbihis na ako ng pink na gown.

Question ko, kapag sa Operating Room na ba, wala akong underwear?

Wala daw.

Uyyyy na shy naman ako………..

Dumating na si Friendship Rommel from the train statiion.

Wacky daw !!!

Paano ako magmo moment nito?

Eh ang iingay nila?

Eto na ang last kong matinong picture.

Kasi soon after this was taken, sinundo na ako for the Operating Room.

This was taken when they brought me back to my room from the Operating Room.

Nawala na ang aking Pag Asang maging Outpatient lang.

They asked me to stay the whole night for observation.

Ang mga supporters – Richard, Lito and Mike.

Konting katahimikan, at last……

This was Wednesday night.

Thursday I was discharged.

And 2 days after. The new and improved me.

Parang hindi naman nga eh? Bandage lang ang nadagdag.

Pumasok na rin ako sa office. Dyahe naman kasi kung mag off ako. And besides I felt that I was ok so there was no need for me to stay at home.

This is really is it na talaga.

I’m undergoing Arthrocentesis Operation tommorow.

Wala nang atrasan ito.

First time naman kasi in my life.

And I never for one second thought I would need it. When I first started going to the doctors to have my TMJ checked, I never thought I would ever have to undergo surgery. Akala ko bibigyan lang ako ng dental splint or maybe botox shots or baka painumin lang ako ng pills? Pero since the doctor said I needed the surgery and my insurance covered it anyway. So payag na rin ako. Pagkatapos kong magtiyaga sa MRI machine for 35 minutes na hindi gumagalaw? Ngayon pa ba ako aatras?

Pero Im scared. (I just dont show it, but I really am)

I joke about it. (But deep inside I’m terrified)

If you don’t see any other posts after this………..

I’ll just see you on the other side.

After sending the approval to the right hospital, the hospital called and said that the request was approved (surprise surprise) asked me again to come for a Pre Operation something something, so I went. They took samples of my blood, and checked my weight, blood pressure, height, medical history etc etc etc. They explained how the procedure was going to be done and what to expect.

And they gave me this along with a bunch of other stuff

Good luck sa akin.

This year I’m alone at Valentine’s – alone but not Lonely.

I admit, I’m totally inggit sa mga couples who are celebrating Valentine’s Day. But I’m not asking anybody out to dinner just for the sake of having a Valentine’s Date.  I haven’t reached that State of Desperation yet.  And besides, hindi nga ako sure if ever PJ would say yes if I ask for a dinner date. Baka mamaya huminde, eh di napahiya pa ako. Kawawa naman ako. Si Coffee Shop Buddy naman nagsabi na mag off daw siya ng Valentine’s Day. Sabi ko lang ahhhh. With a pause. Then I changed the subject.

Being alone, doesn’t have to be lonely naman di ba? I have movies to watch, laundry to do,  carpet that needs vacuuming. Naghihintay ang recently downloaded Randy Blue Library to be watched. Ay wag pala, baka lalo akong mangulila. Change tactics, mag rosaryo na lang pala ako.

MRI stands for Magnetic Resonance Imaging. That was what I gathered from google. Apart from that, hindi ko na pinag aralan kung ano yun. Gusto ko fresh sa akin ang experience. This is still part of my ongoing struggle with my TMJ.

I was scheduled last Thursday, 20 Jan 2011 3:00 pm. Excited na konting anxious din.

This was taken by Geoff who went with me to the Hospital.

This probably was the time the technician was putting something in my mouth to take pictures of different angles na nakabuka ang bibig ko. Dusa ako dito promise.  Tiniyaga ko na lang.

Steady for 35 minutes.

Kahit kinumutan ako, gininaw pa rin ako.

MRI machine was noisy. Akala ko soft purring sound lang. Hindi pala. Scandalous sa ingay.  Pero normal lang daw yun.

Nang matapos ang lahat. Hindi man lang ako binigyan ng chance na mag smile ni Geoff.

XOXO

Wait lang ng konti and then my name was called by a Filipina Dental Assistant whom I later learned were Dentists by Profession sa Pinas but were working as Dental Assistants here. Anyway, dinala niya ako sa maliit na xray room kaagad. Excited naman ang mga ito, wala pa man eh xray na agad. At nagulat ako sa xray equipment – sushalin na naman !!!

I was made to stand in front of the machine, bite the tip of something, then after a few seconds, something went down to keep my head at the exact place and keep it steady. The indian lady asked me to keep still. Tapos umikot sa ulo ko ang xray machine. Mangha ako. First time…….

After the xray, pinapasok ako sa isang maliit na room where there stood one Filipina Dental Assistant, pinaupo ako sa dentist’s chair and then came in another Dental Assistant who asked me to relax and lie back. So nag relax nga ako tapos may pumasok na isa pang Dental Assistant yata? Pero lalaki naman. He looked at my chart and my xray with authority. So akala ko siya na ang dentist. I thought to myself, buti na lang Pilipino ang Dentist ko. Puwede akong mag inarte hahahaha.  Pero may pumasok pa na isa pang male who was in a different lab gown than the others. Siya pala ang dentist.

So there were 3 Dental Assistants, 1 Dentist and 1 Patient. 4 against one? Siguro kapag masakit ang gagawin, dalawa ang hahawak sa magkabilang braso at isa hahawak sa paa. Habang winewelding ang panga ko?

Fade out ng walang kwentang fantasy…….

So dentist asked what my problem was and I told him I had difficulty opening my mouth and chewing and he said “TMJ?” I said yes. On the left side, I added So he sort of massaged my face and asked if this hurt and that hurt and asked me to open and close my mouth. Then immediately proceeded to write what seemed to be a novel at my chart. Nakikipag chikahan na ako dun sa Dental Assistant na tinatakot ako na baka kailanganin daw ng General Anesthesia for my surgery. Ang layo na ng narating ng usapan namin when Dentist announced that he was scheduling me for an MRI and that they would do the request with my Insurance Company and call me when my Insurance Company approves.  Dentist then advised me that I was to go on a Soft Diet.

I paid for the consultation fee and then xray fee at the cashier and left. Mura ang consultation. Mahalia Jackson ang xray.  Sino ba naman kasi ang may idea na magxray pa? IHARAP NINYO !!!

While driving home. I was thinking, ano kaya ang puwede kong kainin sa soft diet?

PJ was craving for it for the longest time. Dedma ang soft diet na yan. I got palabok for dinner.