Last night after dinner, I took the advice of a friend and asked M.

Anong plano mo sa akin? (I think I was being dramatic again pero life is too short)

Ayaw mo ba akong mag asawa? (Hmmm I was dreading this question, if I said No would M change plans?)

Kung mag aasawa ka, tayo pa rin ba? (Another question I hated to ask)

After some seconds of silence M asked “Kung mag aasawa ba ako, may magbabago sa atin? (I didnt know the answer)

I was thinking of a response. Wala akong maisip.

And may follow up question pa. “Sa palagay mo ba mali ang gagawin ko?” 

I just said what I thought was best to say. Sabi ko “We have our own lives to lead, do what you think is best and don’t worry about me. Nandito lang ako palagi.

I don’t know if I’m being stupid or a martyr pero all I know is our relationship has far exceeded beyond my expectations.  I never knew that this would happen, I never planned for this. This is one of those “I’ll just cross the bridge when I get there” types.  And although I know my fairy tale won’t have a happy ending, muy question is should I prolong the agony? I don’t want to end anything yet. I am not yet ready.